I AM WILLING TO HOLD MY OWN HAND

Searching for blog topics is never easy. Sometimes I have information spilling out of my mind that I can't wait to share. Other weeks, it's like the creative well dries up, and nothing is coming. This week is one of those weeks.

So I went to my Louise Hay affirmation calendar from last year. I save the calendars to use as note paper, and to send inside packages as love notes, so I always have plenty on hand.

I took a deep breath, pounded on the stack of affirmations in my hands to infuse my energy into them, and asked for the message I most needed to hear today. I closed my eyes and shuffled through the deck until I got to a page that felt right. I pulled it out of the glue binding.

This is what it said: 
"I am wiling to hold my own hand and work through any fears I may have."

I have spent many times in my life having to work through my fear and anxiety. In fact, in Chinese medicine, I came to the planet with a major challenge of anxiety. I have had lots of it from as early as I can remember. I even went so far to have panic attacks in my early 20's. It's been difficult, as you might well imagine, and I have learned so much in learning to hold my own hand to work through this anxiety.

Early on, I tried mainstream medical and took Xanax for several years while I was in my early 20's and combined it with in therapy. Therapy became an excellent tool for me to process and let off stress. Xanax - although it helped me through a rough spell, the withdrawals from that addictive drug were incredible.

Here's how it went. As I house sat some pets in a beautiful Bethesda, Maryland home, I noticed I had swollen glands near my throat. Other than that, I felt fine. Yet after a week of these painfully swollen glands, I knew I was wrestling an infection. My doctor confirmed it - I had strep throat. No fever. No sore throat. Just swollen glands. So he recommended antibiotics.

Since I am a physically sensitive empath, I hated combining prescriptions because I didn't like the side effects of one much less a combination. So I asked him if I could stop the Xanax. He said that he thought that would be fine. 

So I stopped. Suddenly. I thought nothing of it. Yet I went through several weeks of severe withdrawal symptoms like I had never experienced. The first night I felt so nauseous, I went to sleep before the sun went down.  This was highly unusual for me. The next week, I couldn't feel my legs. They felt numb. Walking on numb legs was interesting. As that resolved, I couldn't feel my arms and hands. I could move them and grab things, but I couldn't feel my actions. 

I trudged back to my doctor, who told me that I was experiencing the withdrawal from the drug. He said that I could start taking it again and taper. I had gone a few weeks off the drug, so he said I could also work through the symptoms without it. Up to me. So I decided to stay away from the drug. 

This was a wise choice for me to learn to manage my anxiety in healthier ways.

My anxiety work has not been in isolation. I have worked with others - therapists, wellness coaches, biofeedback professionals, energy workers, personal trainers - to learn how to develop a protocol for myself to keep my anxiety at a healthy level. 

AA-UU-EEMM

MY PROTOCOL
Here is what I have learned to keep my anxiety in check. In essence, these are the ways I hold my own hand:

• Calming techniques I learned through biofeedback, including meditation, yoga, breathing, letting go, massage, and managing my mental chatter
• Taking supplements of GABA, nature's valium, and magnesium, a calming mineral that is an ambassador of our cells and regulates/calms our entire system
• Exercising with exertion regularly to release any stress
• Spending time with friends
• Being in nature - slowing life down
• Saying positive affirmations routinely
• Using supportive self-statements when I am experiencing high anxiety (For example, telling myself I am out of balance and asking myself what I need to do in the moment to feel more grounded and secure.)
• Eating foods that are grounding and healthy
• Receiving an energy clearing or giving one

 I pay attention when I feel anxious for my intuition has something to say. I am thankful that I have learned to listen to my anxiety and take care of it. It keeps me safe, centered, and balanced.

How do you hold your own hand?